I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
