dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
