she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
