Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
