The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
