U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
