forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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