I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
