Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
