Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
this is an emotional support booty call
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
