I wish I only lived at night.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
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You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
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Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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