I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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