All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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