if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
