i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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