I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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