when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
