A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
