do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
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Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
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I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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