..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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