so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
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There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
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I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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