youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
