In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
