This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
