I wanna passion pit in your ass
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
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I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
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You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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