Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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