I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize