He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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