I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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