I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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