Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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