woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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