Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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