i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I deserve this hangover.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize