Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
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she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
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don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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