gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
