You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
