Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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