I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
