Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
