I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
