Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
