He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
