My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
