im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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