She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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