i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
