I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
