I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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