Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN