I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.