someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it