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I am puke
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
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