This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
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she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
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I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.