we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
