lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.