Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
