Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
