all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
