Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
