this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I think people are normalizing furries
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
