So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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