He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
