we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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