we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
