Your face is a jimmy john
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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