My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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