woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
